early morning

As I write this, its early in the rising day. Before the hustle and bustle begins.

That hustle feels like an addiction of a kind.

Without it, it becomes so easy to surrender into the trough of nothingness.

A lazy hazy resistance to the push for compliance with what ever it is we believe we must do to be.

But we resist the haze and…

Early morning thoughts shower like daggers through the mind.

Self cutting with should be and should do.

Sometimes leaving us to cower in the dark, in dread of the rising sun.

The call to duty…

We drag ourselves into service of the tasks we believe we must do, to fit the notion of all that we should be.

But it rarely works as a conscious endeavor.

We submit to the call by surrendering the musings of our soul, back into the shadows of our mind.

And there our musings sit, waiting in a fever of discontent, waiting for the next crack in the wall, through which they can rise.

As the days pass we guard against that rising, by way of addictions and ego.

The mind thinks, but can not know and so guards against the musing’s shadow by projecting mind-fear into our hearts.

A measure of success is the reward for surrender to mind.

But it is a success woven with anxiety, imparted by daggerous thoughts, that keep the muse subsumed, and activates the programmable self.

And the muse out of love and despair, persists in seeking out the cracks and scribbles between the lines in an effort to call us back to the shadow… to inhabit our truth for a time.

And sometimes we do fall through those cracks in the walls of resistance.

Cloaking ourselves down under the covers of dark muse.

Peeking out at the shafts of light calling us back into the fray.

But turning our back to those shafts, so to cuddle in the womb of our soul.

We are renewed to live again.


We can access our true POWER!

Rise above the chaos to manifest our true potential.

The world seems to be changing faster than we can keep up, and… Life is changing, perhaps in ways we do not understand. However, our capacities to transform our existence is also being upgraded as well.

It is imperative that we prioritize our well being! Expand our perspective and honor our true sovereignty. 

I want to bring to your attention a word I used earlier in the text. That word is EXISTENCE!

According to the understanding of ancient civilizations, such as the Dogon people, there is an understanding that we, as humans, are far more than our body, more than our life and are in fact made of a complex web of existence that transcends and encompasses a reality far beyond our limited awareness of the world around us.

It is so easy to get bogged down by the stressors of the moment. Causing us to worry, obsess or go into fear for ourselves, our loved ones, and with regard to political controversies and outcomes.

These states can become like a prison that stifles our creativity and separates our spirit from our mind, from our body. We can feel lost and hopeless.

But we can counter this…

Our power is rooted inside of our physical existence!
It is subtle and can only be accessed through our awareness, intention and imagination.

Our actual physical existence extends beyond the boundaries of our body and all of its parts. Our personal power includes a web of inter-connectivity, to the earth, to nature, to the stars, cosmos and to each other. This web of connectivity flows through our personal mind, personal body, and personal spirit. The web is an energetic force that carries information to and from multiple levels of being.

Our path to empowerment is to cultivate our awareness such that we can be aware of, and communicate with our multiple levels of being, and learn to translate the ensuing wisdom gained from this, into the realization and/or materialization of our existence. Allowing our sovereignty to arise within and as our life expression.

Life is messy. Let’s clear it up.

Not clean, but clear the stagnant energies that have us tied up in repetitive patterns that no longer, if ever, served us.

This is not done by a mental tug of war over our behaviors, but by gracefully healing those energetic traits we’ve inherited. And by laying the foundation for our true self to blossom unencumbered.

The first step to nurturing our own blossoming is to remember ourselves as an infant. An infant that embodies the core of your innocence. But with innocence comes vulnerability.

That innocent vulnerability still lives beneath the suffocation of time and events that we have experienced, our ancestors have experienced and also the soul over many incarnations.

Yes, we are multi dimensional in that all of these inherited energies have laid traits within our DNA. These traits manifest within our energy field and our thought patterns. Causing us to face, resolve and heal that which may have been holding back the blossoming.

The good news is that all the wisdom and our sacred gifts are also there buried within our DNA blueprint.

The infant within us represents the eternal self. The one by way of its innocence preserves the truth of our being as pure love.

Therefore, a very coherent path is to rescue, within yourself, the capacity to express pure love as being… It’s not as hard to do as it may sound.

I will repeat the first step. Simply to remember. Your acknowledgement waters the seeds of transformation and growth.

Stay tuned for our next post for step two.

The Invisible Self

Connect to the POWER of you SOUL!

I can remember as a child and adolescent, feeling invisible. Never quite sure that I was seen or heard. Never sure that I was understood, or that I was communicating at all. I still experience this, to some extent, most of the time.

After contemplating this phenomena, I’ve come to realize that this feeling of invisibility, is almost universal. Everyone experiences it.

The dilemma of invisibility leads to several options. The most obvious is, to funnel our energies into creating lifestyles with a platform or performance that brings attention to ourselves. In a child this might look like a kid acting out in school. To an adult this may look like some form of success producing, abundance manifestation scheme, which may or may not be successful.

The question is, do these attention garnering remedies really change the underlying insecurity drawn from a deep sense of invisibility?

From what I have seen and experienced, I would say, no, it does not. The need for attention becomes insatiable. We seem to get trapped in ever expanding, drama based scenarios, to garner more attention. The more attention we receive, the more value is ascribed to it. For me this has felt like a cycle that spirals one’s attention away from the core self.

So I thought, what if I start from the premise that my childhood feeling of invisibility was indeed true to our existence. And we are in truth, quite invisible to each other. No amount of attention grabbing mechanisms will now, or ever change this underlying state. How might we respond, such that, we can reach a deeper understanding of this phenomena.

Perhaps the appropriate response, is for each individual to come to know their invisible self.

The most accessible of our invisible qualities are our thoughts, emotions and energy. Each of these qualities fan out into a spectrum, that levels off according to consciousness. The most obvious level is that which is connected to our human life. Behind that, is the level of programming and habitual or unconscious reactivity. Apart from that, is the level of inspiration and inner guidance. Somewhere beyond all these levels, we will find the ‘true invisible self’. That part of our being that exists outside of our physical experience.

I have come to wonder if that first sense of invisibility, I felt as a child, was a vague recognition that the world in which I existed, did not reflect the truth of who I truly was. I did not recognize that the fullness of myself was invisible to me, as much as it was to the people in my life. In that lack of recognition I sought confirmation in the outer world and felt frustrated that I could not see myself reflected there. This compounded by the need to construct a limited self that could interact in the world to garner the attention I needed to satisfy the unquenchable desire to be known.

After finding little satisfaction in the constructed world, in which we are encouraged to garner favor and fame, I began to turn to spiritual themes, seeking fulfillment in the world of the Divine.

Having already turned away from religion, I became a seeker of the esoteric.

I learned a lot from the various teachings about the make-up of the Divine world, about methods of meditation and the various rules of the game according to cultural and historical origins. While this helped a lot, I couldn’t help realizing that these teachings felt vaguely external. Leaving me at the bottom of their hierarchy of knowledge. Offering sets of rules for how I needed to conduct myself and for what I needed to believe.

While I was exposed to a great deal of knowledge, and my understanding grew, the esoteric teachings left me feeling like a pawn rather than a player within it. So ultimately, these teachings also became unsatisfying. I was still invisible to myself, only having been presented with a different external set of rules and judgments.

So I discarded all that I didn’t need and, ventured into the unknown world of self. In this I returned to the quintessential question of the child… Why? But rather than asking this of the world, I waited for the answers to bubble up from within. It was in following those bubbles, like pebbles strewn across the sand, that I was led home to my invisible self.

I share my journey only as an example. My hope is to encourage any who resonate with my story to venture forward in accordance with to your own inspiration and guidance.

The glass half full.

I remember as a child making a choice.

I was in grade school learning about synonyms and antonyms. The one that caught my attention was optimism and pessimism. I remember deciding in that moment to be an optimist. And on the question of the half glass I decided my glass would be half full.

This choice carried me through many years of hardship and confusion. But my half glass was as a light ship. And I was never completely bereft.

Over time I lost the threads of optimism and sank into depression. Feeling my glass to be half full of nothing much.

Out of touch with optimism yet still holding on and moving through.

Until I realized, my glass, is a self replenishing, over flowing cup of existence.

To be savored. Every drop.

The half full glass, a frozen moment in time between fulfillment and release. We drink from it till empty. Feel satiated and rest. Only to drink again.




Silence’ Echo

Where Peace?

Old thoughts echo through the chambers of mind. Repeating yet fading into nothingness. Making way for the cool breeze and warm sun of spiritual knowing.

It is not to take up the clarion call of the vanishing echo, to once again fill up the caverns of noise.

But to sit patiently…. To the song of drip, drip, drip or splash and scuffle. Rustle and whistle of wind.

In that calm chaos, a voice gives rise to the timeless whisper of peace.


A Day Out Of Time!

Finally out of time and its constraints.

It is a Tuesday in April. At least officially, based on the calendar of the day. April 11th a day of the full moon.

The energies of this moon have brought to the surface a new energy. Synchronicity is such that this day became a day of rest… a day out of time.

My work left me stressed and in a state of questioning. So I slept little in the Monday overnight into Tuesday. My plans dissolving into surrender. Early morning fatigue and sleep.

I woke into a gentleness of spirit and softness in the air around me. Once again I surrendered into nothingness to bathe in the energies of forgiveness and love.

Recognizing that all I can do…

All I can be… in this moment is silent and still.

Fatigued with a purpose of letting go of the to-do list… the need to fulfill my ego’s plan.

Willing to fail. Open to follow the birth of this moment.

It felt like Sunday, the Sabbath. A day of rest… A day out of time.

Conversation with a friend of kindred spirit, lifted my spirits, swayed my fatigue and confirmed my sense of the moment. Thank you!

In surrender to something greater than my capacity to know. I cleaned myself up and wandered into the street.

Earlier I could not muster to move. I gazed out the window and felt the gentle sweet energy of spring. Gazing at the blossoms, listening to the call of the birds, but feeling somehow apart.

Not knowing what to do to enter this blessed reality I followed my craving for coffee and cake, and went to my neighborhood coffee shop for a bite of addiction… that which I had previously promised not to do.

In taking the bite, I was invited into the world and enjoyed every bit and sip. Then rather than linger and peruse my email/phone messages, I went out into the afternoon sun.

Grateful that I made it out of my cave, my gazing from the window to venture outside into engagement with the world.

Not the world of news and conflict, but the world of natural truth. The sweet vapor of Pacha-Mama, Gaia, rising from our earth mother like a sweet nectar.

…Calling me to rest in the new truth. The true reality of this transformed world. It… She is always here, waiting patiently for us to connect..

“I am here beloved, I am here. Your natural mother. For an eternity I am here. My embrace awaits you. My love eternally awaits you. Come to me now and live victorious”

…So on this day, I did follow my footsteps, and watched as they led me to an old friend. A beloved mother in the form of a tree.

I didn’t have the strength, the energy, the desire to make it just a few more steps to the park, just a short distance away. So I sat on a bench before my beloved tree. A being with a spray of branches to mark its expanded heart.

I sat before her and breathed her heart’s vibration into my own. I felt her energy merge with mine, helping me to heal by reawakening my breath. My connection to my very soul.

Not in words, in feeling… in being! Experiencing the I AM, in a state as vital and connected to source as my beloved tree.

My healer, my mentor expanded my breath. The Breath released and transformed my sorrow. I had not recognized this, as the source of my apparent paralysis of being. My feelings of stagnation and malaise.

Together we released and transformed that sorrow, which was not completely my own. But was that which I carried, transmitted from my ancestral past through the DNA. I saw and felt, then cleared the suffering of my ancestral past. And in so doing awakened to the presence of my Ancestral Soul.

My tree and I shared the same breath, dissolving the pain brought forth by generations of pain. Released and returned to the love of Divine Truth, of Divine Nature, whose nectar of healing returned me home…


Loving Despite Loss

I am one of the lucky ones. Being a woman who was loved and respected by her mother, adored by her father, protected and honored by her brothers.

My early life provided a cocoon that nourishes me to this very day.

By the time I was nine, my life had been shattered. My mother diagnosed with M.S., and my father gone off to the Viet Nam war, I was left alone, to care for my family and navigate my path through life.

Of course I was not totally alone. It only felt that way. There were grandparents, uncles and aunts, SSI and welfare benefits, care givers and hospitals.

But at the end of the day, when the elders had come and gone, I was left 24/7 to hold all the pieces together. I cared for my mom, took the little ones to school, I shopped and cooked and tried to keep house.

All the while, escaping into my dreams. Day dreams in which I pretended to be other beings, who lived other lives. My inner world giving contrast to my life”s struggles.

Outwardly, creative expression provided a space of refuge and gave meaning to my life. I sang in the chorus at grade school and went on to study art.

From the South Bronx to Manhattan, I eventually discovered Harlem, and a youth group called “40 Acres and A Mule.” We published a newspaper supported by the New York Urban League. I met the legendary *Dorothy Height and was inspired to become a writer.

After college my best friend and I journeyed across America, traveling by greyhound bus, we saw the endless corn fields of Iowa, explored the great parks, Grand Canyon and Yellowstone, and we enjoyed the beautiful colors and tones of the sunsets and stones in Arizona and New Mexico.

I had left my mom in the care of her mother.

It was my grandmother that put my mom in a care facility. She said it was a good place and she wanted me to have a better chance at life. As it turned out the place was not so good.

For the next 10 or so years I traveled to an fro. From work, to hospital to home. Making sure she was fed, taking care to keep her clean. And most of all, holding her hands, gazing into her eyes, loving her and making sure she would never feel alone or abandoned. We held each other’s hearts as kindred spirits and soul mates.

I was with her when she passed over. The last in a series of medical crisis.

In a real hospital we waited over 30 hours for a room. After some days, a series of events led to the intensive care unit.

I sat at her side, staring into her eyes, while her lips and fingers turned blue.

At a point she began to repeat almost as a chant or mantra… I Love you, I Love You, I Love You, until my shock turned into comprehension.

My stare fell into her eyes, falling into the dark iris, where for a moment I saw her.

In her eyes I merged into spaciousness. It held the appearance of space and stars, and felt illumined by absolute and unconditional love.

But in a moment I was ushered outside, into the hall to wait. I waited and waited. All the while feeling beckoned to leave. Thinking how strange this was, I took a break and travelled across the river, high above it, in a tram.

It was here that she came to me, and I realized she was gone. And was yet, still here.

I felt her energy merge with mine and we coexisted for the next few hours. Though I recognized her, she was more than my mother.

So it was upon her death that I learned of and first experienced the bliss of spiritual being. This beautiful union left me no reason to mourn, as I walked through the formalities of burial.

I knew, she was not there in the ground. She continued to live, as part of the heavens.


*Dorothy Irene Height (March 24, 1912 – April 20, 2010), an American administrator and educator, was a civil rights and women’s rights activist specifically focused on the issues of African-American women, including unemployment, illiteracy, and voter awareness. She was the president of the National Council of Negro Women for forty years and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1994 and the Congressional Gold Medal in 2004.

Discovering qigong tenderly.

I have discovered, that Qigong practice nourishes me. It provides the basic energy that I need, to be able to function at optimum levels. And some days, to be able to function at all.

It is like a light switch, which allows the electricity to flow through the wires, to enlighten the bulb.

The light bulb is like a human, full of potential and purpose. But lying dormant, without the flow of natural power.

Make no mistake, electricity is a natural power.

A more refined version of this power is what flows in the human electrical system of vital energy, also commonly known as Prana or Qi.

“Light Switch” aspect of Qigong practice.

Qigong serves as a power on switch, which consciously engages the practitioner, in the gathering, circulation, protection and best use of one’s vital life-force energy.

The depth of engagement depends entirely on the individual. Qigong is a participatory process. One must engage in order to receive the highest benefit.

In this engagement we meet the process honestly, from what ever state we are in. We treat ourselves and our body gently, tenderly. We allow the flow of vital-energy to gradually help us heal and fuel our capacity to shine.

Treating one’s self with gentleness and compassion is a recipe for transformative healing. This with or without a formal practice.

Above all else, stoke the flame of love, it is this that eternally shines